Thought for the Day

Friday, December 4, 2009

I Am Not An Ironman

Well, the day of reckoning was almost two weeks ago, so I apologize for keeping you waiting for a report.
The race result was what I had been worried about since before I signed up. I did not make the time cutoff for the swim. I needed to swim 2.4 miles in under 2 hours, 20 minutes, and I only made it about 2.2 miles when time ran out.
I thought about writing something about biting off more than I could chew, but the truth is, I came close enough to finishing the swim to know that if I had started seriously working on my swim earlier, and worked harder on it once I started, I could have done it. And I didn't.
When we challenge ourselves, when we set out to do difficult things, we learn about ourselves. Sometimes not everything we learn is good. I told everyone that I would do whatever it took to finish the swim, and I didn't.
I was too cocky early on. I had some fun and impressed a few people with my craziness by running 5 marathon distance or longer races between January 18th and February 15th. But looking back, it was just silly. I had one specific goal I had to achieve, and I wasn't even getting started on it.
Then I went to Diabetes Training Camp with my teammates, but I had the Old Pueblo 50 Mile in the back of my mind the whole time. I should have had more respect for the really important task at hand. I should have been concentrating on what I needed to do to get to the point I could swim 2.4 miles.
I was too stubborn. If I had been working on my swim sooner, I would have realized earlier that I needed someone to teach me how to swim. I was not going to get from splashing across the pool to gliding smoothly through lakes just by reading and watching videos. But I wanted to try to do it myself. This was also cockiness.
I was too lazy and disorganized. Sure I got up at 4 AM lots of mornings to go to the pool, but that's what everyone training for Ironman does. I missed a lot of days, too, sometimes because I didn't prepare well, and sometimes because I was too lazy. When I say I was lazy, I am comparing myself to others who trained for and completed the race, not the general public.
I know no one is going to say it, but I let a lot of people down. I don't think anyone is more disappointed than I am, but all of the people who backed me and supported me expected more from me. I was given so much support from so many sources, I don't think I can list everyone here.
Thank you all so much.
I'm disappointed with my result from race day, but race day was an awesome experience from the sidelines, watching the rest of the team shine.
I'm glad I signed up. I'm glad I challenged myself and set out on this tremendous, life-changing journey. It was well outside my comfort zone.
It's not over.
I'm continuing with my swimming, and I'm buying a bike. I don't know where or when it will happen, but I will meet this Ironman challenge.
Congratulations to all of the Triabetes teammates out there who had a successful race. You guys are awesome!
Please remember that it's people like me that help make people like you look good. :-)